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I don't mean to mock anyone else's concept of religion, but, not being very religious myself, I still find myself going there once in a while. The ending of this poem was probably suggested to me by an old Andy Capp cartoon. In it, Andy has just dropped a coin in the poor box at church, as the Vicar says, "Thank you, Andy. You'll go to heaven." He then says, once Andy is out of hearing range, "But, you won't like it there."

The Salvation of Gerald William Hamilton-Jones

Gerald William Hamilton-Jones,
Dared to face the Devil-beast.
Gerald dragged him up from Hell.
Tore him from his sinner's feast.

Gerald caged the foul-faced fiend,
Held a contract 'neath his nose,
Said, "Sign here and give me riches!"
Sighed the beast, "Not one of those?"

"Surely, Sir, you understand,
The market now is somewhat bloated.
Souls for riches causes boredom,
Where once a demon would have gloated."

This was not as he had dreamed it,
Gerald William Hamilton-Jones.
The demon smiled with unveiled pity,
And, "poof", left Gerald there alone!

His voice, however, stayed a moment,
"You might, my young friend think this odd,
The sort of contract you are seeking,
These days must be discussed with God."

So, Gerald William summoned angels,
And signed upon a dotted line,
Gained fame, fine health, and a fortune,
Then died as all men must in time.

Gerald William Hamilton-Jones,
Met St. Peter, then the Lord,
Walked the golden streets of Heaven,
And then, forever more was bored.

by Donovan Baldwin
Written sometime in the 70's